The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
