I'm lost and stupid without you.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
