The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
