just come out here and I will go home with you...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
