Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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