If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize