So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
