Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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