May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
