I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
