Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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