Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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