i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
