i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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