Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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