he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
