A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
