I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We have started to decorate penises.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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