If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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