He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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