how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Did I show you my penis last night?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
