I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
