literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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