So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
