Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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