i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
