im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
