she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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