Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
