3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
