It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
