wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
