haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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