help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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