I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
