I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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