So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
