well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
