i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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