Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
