Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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