If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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