She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
