Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
