and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You did what with his pubic hair?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
