I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
