Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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