It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
