i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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