Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
only if we run a train.
done.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
