would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
