We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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