Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
