Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
