I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
