So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
