saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
