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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
