Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize