This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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