Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
