alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
