you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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