Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
