Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
