There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize