tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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