is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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