she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
