so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
