he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
