Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
