Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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