That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize