pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
