i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
