He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
