I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
