Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
