eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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