I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
