you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
