Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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