i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
