i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
