apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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