I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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