erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
