I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Barsexuality is the new black.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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