Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
