It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drunk is a universal language darling
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
