My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
