I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
