Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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