apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
