Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
