Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
