I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
