i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
