Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
