I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
