I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
