I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
