Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize