So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
