Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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